Zombiez

Customer Reviews:

Absolutely Horrible.......2006-12-05

I bought this one because I saw the trailer and it looked good. Unfortunately the trailer contained the only good scene in the movie. The movie starts with definitions of zombie so that we get the idea that traditional zombies aren't really dead. Our first view of them is when two zombies wielding a cleaver and a sickle attack a guy at a shipping yard that is twenty miles from the nearest working plumbing (or so the captions says, believe it or not). We then follow the plight of a young woman who works at the yard (which is in an industrial area and has a bus stop out front). She is attacked and runs away to her apartment with her husband. The zombies follow her and abduct them. She wakes at the shipping yard and escapes.

Now it gets even stranger. She runs away and winds up in the woods beyond some really high mountains. She is chased by more zombies who happen to be running around in the woods. She returns to the shipping yard where she tries to rescue her husband (she was looking for him in the woods). Then the plot falls completely apart until the end. Each phase of the story starts out with more definitions that I guess are supposed to help us understand the main character better.

These zombies use weapons and some of them talk. The effects are ridiculous at best. The opening zombie attack has the victim hid a dozen times by the cleaver and the sickle and yet there is no blood or wounding and he keeps fighting back and yelling even though he should be in little pieces. We don't really know who the zombie master is or why he is doing what he is doing. We don't know why everything seems to happen at the shipping yard or why the woman keeps going back there (except the time she is looking for her husband). The geography of the movie makes no sense. The plot makes no sense. The appearance of the zombies at every turn makes no sense. Production values are almost nonexistent. The only high point was when a big zombie asks a naked woman with a hole in her belly why she won't just die (and if that is the high point you know how bad the rest must be). Stay away from this one. Really.

Phew! What a stinker!.......2006-07-31

I dont even need to say anything else. Read the other reviews. This movie stunk. I got it off netflix. Glad I didn't waste the money on it. No plot. No acting. No special effects.
This was supposed to be a movie right?
More like a waste of good film if you ask me.

Zombiez is worse than Fulci's Zombi.......2006-04-28

What a pile of shizer this was. Thank god I borrowed this from a freind of mine cause the cover looked somewhat cool. Wow ,horrible movie. Not 1 thing good in the first 15 minutes(thats all I could tolerate) . From the crappy camera work to lack of acting. No effort made in the make up dept. If this is Hip Hop horror, than they should stick to hip hop. If I could this would get -5 stars.

How can something be worse than worst?.......2006-04-26

It can be if it's a movie called Zombiez...

To call it the worst movie I've ever seen is too good for it. That would be saying that it's a movie in some sense, and I can't justifiably do that. What it most resembles are the stories that kids make up in those last years of elementary school-- you know the ones-- those last years that their imagination is still active and the real world hasn't corrupted their tender minds. This movie has a repetitive, improvised "story" style that is very much similar to children at play.

The "plot" revolves around Josephine who basically runs from "zombies" for 85 minutes. Yeah. That's the plot. No, I am not kidding you. Anything else that happens to pop up in the story is purely coincidental. It does not add to nor take away from the previously mentioned "plot" of Josephine running from zombies.

Now... by "zombie" I don't mean the guys you see on the awesome looking cover.... heavens, no. These zombies are a bunch of happy smiling and/or grunting guys that look like the guys you might see sitting by the drink machine outside Piggly Wiggly on any given day. And no: They never realy look much different than that. They sometimes have blood on their faces that looks a lot like that red sweet and sour sauce I get at the china buffet, but that's about all the makeup effects that really happen in the movie. And in just a few brief moments of viewing the "film" you'll notice that there are actually more happy zombies in this movie than the rotten, mindless kind you find in most zombie flicks.

Now, as far as "special effects;" well... the movie... kind of doesn't really have any. Yeah. Well... Ok. There is this one scene where Josephine makes a Molitov Cocktail and throws it at the zombies.

Well... who knew Molitov Cocktails created smoke but no fire? Crazay! It seemed to burn the zombies anyway, so who cares, right?

But by far the real concern of the film was obviously the thing the director focused on more than anything else: Josephine's butt. I'd say a good 65 minutes of the 85 minute long movie the screen was filled with Josephine's ample bottom. It was like some reverse nightmare. Death by getting too much of a good thing.

This movie is a blacksploitation movie made by black people. I have no doubt that the KKK bought the bulk of the production run of this movie to spread their assumption that African Americans are obsessed with big butts and fried chicken. I say the fried chicken part because of one scene near the end of the movie that makes absolutely no sense.... at all.... and that's saying something when that pops up as a significant point in a turdfest of a film like this....

I give this -65 stars.

But, man... It is definately worth buying, if just to own a copy of something so uniquely horrible. I got it as a Christmas gift this year, and honestly it is one of the most treasured items I own. No, I haven't watched it over and over again since I got it. I actually only saw it once. But I stick by my point that owning something like this is an honor. Buy a copy for a friend today!!!!

Or maybe someone you hate.

A lot.

ULP....BLECH.....GURPLE.....BLECH (Puking Noises).......2006-02-02

"EEEK, Watch Out Lady, There's A Guy With Tomato Paste All Over His Shirt Chasing You!!!" BOOGLY!! BOOGLY!! BOO!! Did I scare you, if so you can probably still handle Zombiez. Seriosly, this has got to be one of the most offensive attempts at making a zombie movie ever known to man...House Of The Dead 1 & 2, Children Of The Dead, and Day Of The Dead 2 Contagion are all masterpieces compared to this crap. I'm about ready to boycott all of Lions Gate's straight to video horror releases, they all suck horse balls, it's like they don't even watch their own movies before releasing them. Lions Gate has been consistently been putting out some of the best theatrical horror pics to date, so what gives? All though this "Zombiez" is an awful movie, you can salvage the money spent, coffee table coaster's anyone, it would make a great miniture cutting board, you can use it as fire wood(plastic), & of course last but not least with soft jelly like substances you could use the disc as a half-assed cutting knife. All though if you're already pretty well stocked up in all those departments, you should probably save yourself the agony of sitting through this garbage and skip it, consider yourself warned. BOO!!...did I scare you?

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